I started on my volunteer project this Tuesday. The first few days of Home of Hope have been fun, sad, and shocking all at the same time. I started out with the impression that Home of Hope was an orphanage that had volunteers to provide the babies with care, love, and extra attention. But, on the first day of my project, the long term volunteer that serves as the teacher of the younger kids explained to me that the project had changed up a bit in the past few months. Now, Home of Hope functions as three foster homes, with a total of 18 children in their services right now. So, instead of actually needing volunteers to do the care of the children, they need volunteers to help with the day programs for the children. There are two day programs, one for the younger kids and one for the older kids. I am on the project with the one to five year olds.
I get picked up at eight o'clock every weekday morning and I go pick up four kids from their foster mother's house and carry them to the house that they have their day program. At the house, we meet two other kids, making a total of six. There is one 16 month old, one 22 month old, one 2 year old, two 3 year olds, and a 6 year old who participate in the day program.
The first shock was picking the kids up from their foster mothers house. I am so accustomed to safety laws and rules about infant seats and booster seats in the States, that I guess I didn't even think about kids being thrown in the car without any safety belts at all. Even the one year olds! They are just thrown in the back.
The second shock came when I picked up one of the babies and started to carry them into the house. At home, this would be common way, especially when the child was in danger of running into a road. But, immediately after I picked the child up I was told to put her down and make her walk. It was shocking at first. So, I made a point to ask why later. Apparently, it's customary in South Africa to build a child's Independence from a very early age. So, the children are never really held or allowed to sit in your lap at any age. Because of this early Independence building, babies are learning to crawl and walk at a much earlier age. During my orientation, I was told that volunteers who come tend to bring their Western ways with them and generally carry the kids around too much and baby them more than needed. So, part of being a volunteer is to respect the South African culture and force the kids to build Independence by not allowing them to sit in laps or be carried around.
The first few days have been very shocking to me, and after the second day or so I seriously thought about switching projects so that I could work with some of the animal ones. I did not necessarily agree with the way the babies were being treated and I wasn't sure that I could stand eight weeks of watching it. But, I talked to several people about my thoughts and ended up settling with a different conclusion after speaking to the owner of the orphanage, Elenore. Elenore explained to me that one of the reasons that the children were treated without too much affection was because of their circumstances in the foster home. The foster mother generally cares for 6 children. This allowes very little time for individualized attention. With this idea, I was still a bit upset. But, then she gave another, more reasonable explanation. She explained that the children were all orphans, of course, and they all have FASD. Being orphans, they could be allowed to move back with their parents if they aren't adopted, or if their parents come back for them at any time. These poor kid's parents live in the townships of the Western Cape, some of the poorest regions in the world. The parents spend everything they have on alcohol and drugs, and they are completely incapable of caring for themselves, much less a child. So, if these children did end up going back to their parents, they would be forced to fend for their selves completely. This reason sparked a little more meaning for me. These babies and kids started out with a tough life, and are most likely going to continue with a tough life throughout. So, building independence in these children is the integral step to survival for them.
After about three days of my project, I had so many thoughts going through my head. I was thinking about poor Timba, who I have already gotten attached to, and little Harry who tries his best to sit in my lap every chance he gets, and KlanKlan who does his best to jump on every last nerve I have left in me. Then, I was left to think about how hard of a life these kids have been through. Many of them were found in dumpsters, or in boxes by the beach, and are forced to live with FASD and HIV from the very start of their life. I just couldn't stop thinking about all of them and their circumstances, and I kept wondering if I could stick around for 8 weeks and watch them and keep thinking and worrying about them.
After my meeting with Elenore, though, I decided that sticking around for 2 months could REALLY help these kids and that being firm with them would allow me to get control over activities and really help them learn and build new skills. I dropped the idea of moving projects, and decided that being too nice to the children would only hurt me and them in the long run.
So, somehow I am going to have to learn to be firm about discipline and "really let these kids know I'm the boss" (according to Elenore). If I can establish a leadership form of trust with these children, I think that I can really make a positive impact over my 8 weeks.
I still can't help but to think about how these kids would be if they would have been fortunate enough to grow up in the US, to normal middle-class families who loved and cared about them. What would they be like if they didn't have to face all of the challenges that they do? I guess sometimes it makes the child stronger, and without all the challenges they wouldn't be the child they are. All of them are great children, they just have many many challenges to face that cause them to have many many problems. But, after only a week, I am already attached to them and their little tiny hands, runny noses, and sticky fingers. They are going to jump on every nerve I have in me, plus some, but in the end it will make both me and them stronger.
I never thought orphanage work would be such of a challenging, rewarding experience that would push me to new levels, but this first week has shown me that this experience is going to be one to remember for many different reasons, both positive and negative.
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